Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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