is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
