he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
