11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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