my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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