Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Boobs are out for the taking
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
