I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
