No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
