we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
