I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize