You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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