allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I would ride that face into the sunset
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
