Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
