I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
