I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My bed smells like the plague
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