i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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