He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
