People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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