Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
