I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
