just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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