Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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