batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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