I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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