My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
