bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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