I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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