they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
