Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
