So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
