i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
