Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
