Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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