What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
