Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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