she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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