Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
