shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She has the best kind of daddy issues
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
