That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize