You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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