Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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