i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
