Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
