Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize