fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize