You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
