Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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