I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
