gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
