the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
