Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
