my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
