Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
