the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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