oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
thus making me awesome and them whores
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
