woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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