I'm jealous of your bromance
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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