weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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