I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
