booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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