i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
