You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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