Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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