well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
