He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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