Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
